You will never not say “WTF”

My thing right now is just going down this list and seeing what happens.

At the top is Satanic Panic. And omfg what the shit is this?

The first minute of the movie I was convinced this was one of the worst movies I’d ever seen. And then fucking Jerry O’Connell shows up. The soul-patch aside, Jerry is one of the bright spots in this movie.

But they kill him off in his first scene!

And then it got worse and weirder…and then Ruby Modine takes over. Between her and Jerry, I’m slightly conflicted whether like their parts enough as opposed to everything else in it.

Interspersed with those crazy but slightly hilarious and well-played scenes, the movie is a fucking disaster from the start. Is this supposed to be cheesy? A nod to Rosemary’s Baby?! Satanists, witches, demons…OH MY. There’s no yellow-brick road for this movie. (that’s just terrible of me) Just a whole bunch of WTF moments:

• What does this weird-ass opening song have to do with anything?
• Did Rebecca make Jerry do this movie or the other way around?
• A soul patch and tightie-whities. Huh.
• WHY WOULD YOU KILL THE ONLY GOOD THING IN THIS MOVIE?!
• She’s digging in his neck now for his soul?!
• A drill strap-on?! I didn’t see that coming
• OH! The actress from Happy Death Day! Score.
• SHE’S PUTTING HER FINGER IN THE BAKED HEART THING. IS THIS SEXUAL!?
• I’m still shook from that weird finger thing with the heart…
• She’s pulling out this guy’s intestines now. And reading them like tea leaves.
• Who told Rebecca that evil cackle would work?
• Oh, there goes the other good character.
• Well, that was a quick pregnancy.
• ha! Two fuzzy bunnies, I get it now.
• Who is this little girl?! IS THAT THE SATAN BABY?!
• She’s just another demon. Oh. That…doesn’t make sense.

Recommended for folks who appreciate working-drill strap-ons, those who don’t mind Rebecca Romijn’s acting abilities (sorry, Rebecca!), or who just want to see Jerry O’Connell and Ruby Modine steal scenes.

(And definitely watch Happy Death Day.)